Whenever I face something emotionally painful, it’s always been easier to deal with the pain through self-harm.
Am I psychotic?
정신 이상의?
Just human. And as much as I want to tell honey bee or my sisters about it, I can’t: Honey bee might not understand and he might feel helpless when I don’t take his advice for whatever he believes is best. (Maybe see a psychiatrist? Or talk about it to me?) My sisters have never self-harmed so they won’t understand the psychology behind a person who wants to take control of their emotional harm through physical self-harm.
If I cut, I’ll know when the pain will start, I’ll be able to stop it, I’ll know ‘when’ at least. With the emotional pain I’m feeling now, I don’t know when I’ll start to remember my dog (who just passed away) or when I’ll start feeling sad that there is no one to greet me when I get home. As much as I look forward to going home, I also dread it more this time.
I can’t seem to stop crying and it’s tiring. Can I just cut instead? I know why friends turn to booze but I hate that feeling of losing control and being uninhibited.
I’m nearing work and my 50 minutes commute is almost up so I’ll just place it in a box at the back of my mind until end of day again.
Who I am. 