Emmanuel AOG

Recently, I attended this church and I SO take back what I said about Christianity in SG based on VFC. I apologise. (Nonetheless, still disgusted with VFC’s sermon depth and the fact that it is so big is disturbing.)

I think the senior pastor in EAOG is like pretty on point. Whoa, whoa, whoa… Who am I to say, right? I didn’t even attend any theological school and I only attended two sermons, but it reminded me of what a sermon should be like – with text and supporting textual references, not just one-liners too! I was so relieved after the sermon. Also, he didn’t simply highlight similar words from the textual basis and supporting texts; you know like how some crazy speakers do, trying to show the congregation it’s about keywords. (E.g. you see the words: ‘brother’ here, here, and here? Yeah, all the same meaning!🤨) But he gave context and explained the author’s intention. Respect? Yes. On top of that, he had some funny parts which I laughed about along with the congregation; no, I’m not a piece of rock. I have humor too y’know.

The length of the sermon was almost as long as the worship – like 60 minutes I think? Can’t remember now. He did apologise that it was taking longer than usual. I don’t think he had anything to apologise about though I did hear some grumbles around me because some folk was hungry but apart from that.. Side note, IDK why the preacher has to apologise – your boss isn’t the congregation, it’s god, and god’s boss isn’t the congregation either. You, pastor, owe them nothing, not even an on-time lunch. One may think it is only polite to respect the set times when meals occur, but I wonder if Paul ever apologised for going on for hours in any of his sermons? Put it this way, if the pastor is apologising because he is respecting the congregation’s time, who is he disrespecting? I hate to put it this way, but you know I’m right. I may be NC, but I know that much. Pastors: Don’t apologise for one Sunday when you go beyond the ‘usual time’. Sadly, you’ll find an apology will come out when you go ‘beyond’ time because it has become a culture and habit among the Christian community.

I wish people will gossip less about pastors who have proper content and gossip more about those who are people-pleasers, who purposely only have 30 minutes of useless sermons.

End Game

How do people like T. Swift be so sure of wanting to be someone’s end game? Listening to this song gives me slight anxiety as she and her SO both have ‘big reps’ which also means they both have more to lose if things go wrong. How do celebs date?? Clearly, I don’t understand their world.

The phrase, ‘End Game’ has other meanings too – like the conclusion or finale of something… Like, who knew the End Game of F1 before it ended? 😛 Not that I’m watching it live or anything; neither am I interested in the teams, drivers, or claim to know anything about it, but I suppose being in the same city has affected me – it has appeared in my post.

Another ‘End Game’ behind the purpose of this post – my close close university friend revealed that she attempted suicide recently, not even two months ago. I feel immensely sad thinking about, ‘What if she had succeeded?’ It would have been a true End Game. I even thought about coming back just to stay with her and watch her, but I know she wouldn’t want that. She wouldn’t want me to ‘waste’ my life watching her, subsequently, I dismissed it as emotions talking.

I have more and more friends who are depressed and have anxiety attacks… I wonder when it is my turn. Only a matter of time before it returns; maybe? If it does, I will definitely get to the bottom of it. In the meantime, I gotta keep hustling.

And then I spoke to another friend who is the CEO of his two companies and is meeting investors who will provide seed capital enough for an IP, basically, doing well; he isn’t excluded from the number of people I know who get depressing thoughts – even successful people who seem to have it together, do. We realise the commonality is that it happens more often with people who feel like others are not putting back into their life what they are giving out. There is a constant negative in their psychological bank, alternatively, it could be that their measurement of what others give is different.

Interestingly enough, I haven’t had an anxiety attack since I left my home. I used to get them at least once a month, and my mom would be like, ‘These are attacks from the devil and evil spirits,’ and she would pray over me to chase them away… Well, turns out the devil was my dad, a pastor. (Especially on special occasions when he would demand a hug with his smarmy smile. Ugh.) No nightmares, no sleep paralysis, no anxiety attacks, no sudden cold sweat, shivers, or uncontrolled crying in this awesome red dot.

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End Game. I wouldn’t change a thing from the time I left Christ though – I won’t deny there IS a lump in me about dying and meeting him because I know he is real – because I have discovered much about what NCs see, definitely not in the way where they were just words on a book. As I wear the identity and am an NC, I feel the real resentment towards Cs asking me to go back to church and CG. Like whoopee, a closed setting where Cs will try and convert me, can’t wait, sis. As a side note, I am pretty sure that this church my sister has asked me to go to will not do their Due D in the same way ercc did theirs towards newcomers, to the point that I almost feel sorry for this church for inviting a newcomer who is used to hours long bible study, Sunday sermons, camps with loadsssss of exegesis. Then I remember that Cs should be prepared and if they’re not then they’re not glorifying god, so yes, I will be prepared to face them instead. 😀 I am slightly twisted, yes.

*Disclaimer: Nobody in ercc is like this – it’s just a me thing. But I have defo met other twisted PKs, jussaying, many of us are like this.