An open letter to fear

Dear Fear, I have been on this journey with T; for two months now and eventhough you’re on this journey with us – you cannot take the front seat. Not this time.

T brought Cheesiness along with him and so our 🚗 is rather squashed.. Cheesiness is quite big, as you might have noticed 😛. On your other side would be the Cheesiness’ best friend: Laughter.

Fear, I know, you’re not used to sharing space – but this time, I say to you, you’re going to have to deal with it; because you will find that there will be more friends joining us soon. Confidence is going to get her own seat because she’s confident!

I’m excited to be on this journey with T, and as you have warned me about men, I can tell you aren’t too excited. I know, you are not bad in essence but, when I find myself in the backseat and you in the front with whoever it was in the past – Work, Interests, Love, and even God; our journey almost always ended up in Nowhere. Yup, that place filled with people who have addictions and have lost their way. I don’t want to keep going back there, and neither do I want to book myself into the hotel there again. Service sucks there and nothing ever gets done!

I want, nay, I WILL go places with T – like Making New Friends, Foodtrip, climbing Fear Mountain (your birthplace), Lovers Lane etc. I’ve only ever passed by these places or gone and gave up seeing it through.

So, fear, yes, you are on this journey with us but you are not going to take the front seat again, not once or even a test drive. Just, No.

Note to self : do not let emotions rule the day.

Thanks for reading guys! x


Relax, let go and work hard

Listening to Water Ripples by Enno Aare | Calm

I worked only a day this week; Monday. I took leave for Tuesday and election day was on Wednesday. The two subsequent days of the week were declared a Public holiday by our new Prime Minister, Tun M.

I wanted to go in to work on those two days, but, after talking to my colleague M about it, I decided to let go and relax for these two days. Wheeee!

It was, difficult, and I still thought about work throughout the weekend to be honest.

I’ve been working here for 6 months now and it’s been great. But a finance job is still a finance job and the work is endless. But I do think that God is preparing me bit by bit to learn how to let go of work. And to relax during the weekend.

I say again, it is difficult. I’ve been working overtime a TON, sometimes until 9pm. 😲

It’s difficult to also trust my boss to do a part of my work. She currently helps with the accounts as my workload is heavyyyy without her help. It’s great, but it wasn’t always great.

I remember redoing the whole accounts part that she did because I didn’t trust her, but I ended up doing the same thing, with minor inconsequential changes. It was a waste of time! So I had to learn to trust her, a lesson which took about a month.

Someone once said, the only way to trust is to trust. So that’s what I did.

And with this week, i’m learning to trust myself too. And I’ll have to keep learning it, I do think.

We will be preparing for the AGM at work soon, sigh. I feel the stress already. And the more immediate thing is having a 15th May deadline for the bank reconciliations. 😮 It’s 14th May today!! But I somehow do not feel overly stressed about and panic as how I used to be.

I just know and believe that I AM capable. And every 10am-6pm, I will have to be efficient and effective, so that I decrease my overtime too. 🙂 I’ll pray about the things I’m stressed about too:

– Deadlines

– F3 Class

– Walk with God

Ahhh, it has been a wonderful restful and productive week of relaxing. Now, for an even better week! 💪

Hope you all take time to reflect on your week too! It really helps to clear your thoughts 🙂 x


6 months thankful

Tomorrow, May 2nd would mark my 6th month anniversary in this NGO.

I’m thankful for

God. My refuge and strength. I have to admit that I haven’t not been spending enough time with God and I put YouTube above him. As Jamie Taylor said, “He is Lord or not at all.” And that is so true.

Also thankful for this job availability, my bosses, the scope of work (learning a lot), and my aliveness.

To think that I had decided on suicide last August in 2017, makes my contentment now seem surreal; not the other way around. I can never forget the vividness of my near accident and everything that led up to it. Sometimes when I am reflecting on it, I still get a bit sad and disappointed with myself. Sometimes I think about the work. I do miss it, the process flow, the meeting of people, my colleagues. I sure don’t miss the workload though! HAHAA #malaysianauditors #nolife

My bosses. They are a couple who are reasonable but firm. I really need discipline and guidance since it’s only my second job and I appreciate everything they are teaching me. The work is shaping me to be more inquisitive, and firm. But I’m still learning about the firm part, sometimes I’m not sure how to say no to my colleague who puts her work on me. WIP.

The work hasn’t been easy, it was tough taking over from someone who worked there for 10 years+ and did not handover to me. But I had help and tons of understanding from my bosses.

Anyway, it’s labour day today, so HAPPY LABOUR DAY EVERYONE! Gonna cut my post short cause I’m sleepy.

Thanks for reading:)