I will pick up straightaway where I left off..
B felt BETRAYED by me. I didn’t know that before the meeting; which meeting you ask?
A meeting, again, filled with other people. B personally attacked me; just like he personally attacked one of the G side people in the other meeting, the one I stood up for.
(These personal attacks have got to stop btw. Like seriously.)
People get hurt when people are attacked, I sure was. And for the longest time I didn’t even want to forgive him. He was wrong in doing that. I cried in front of like 15 people. Not because he was right in his attacks but it was a personal attack and it #triggered a memory within me. And I cried.
I bet he knew that I wouldn’t be able to continue asking him for accountability, which is what I asked him for before he attacked me.
Like any pastor, B has pastoral responsibilities and I was merely asking for accountability on those pastoral things.
Buthe got worked up and felt I was attacking him. Like, dude needs to calm down and differentiate between a personal question and a professional question.
He basically retorted to a professional question with a personal answer.
An answer so so so twisted.
This is an example of what I said:
Me: Pastor (for a specific age group), we expect you to let us know when you are not around on Sundays because you are supposed (normal pastorly things right??) to be around. At least just let us know. But we find that you are too often absent and we do not know why, you should be there on Sunday for this specific age group.
Pastor: I remember there was once I left my GF to talk to you. And to meet up with you and a third party.
Me: ????? (Cries because that third party is my ex who did smth so horrible I was crying when I called the pastor. And that memory was triggered hence I CRIED.)
Sigh, I really don’t get B’s answer because..
Firstly, I asked about SUNDAYS. He brought up some random day.
Secondly, I asked about that specific age group of which I am 7 years too old to be a part of. He brought it up as though I qualified as part of the group I was specifically asking about in the accountability question.
Thirdly, why bring up a personal thing of the person asking the question????
It’s like, if your co teacher for lab asks you, teacher, why didn’t you come to school for the past two days? And then the teacher replies with a, you’ve also been absent this month, I know cause I had to call you. Likeeee what just happened???
It was all in the guise that “you care for everyone” when really, I feel B only cares about winning arguments.
He sure won for his pride but from then on, he lost my respect, my loyalty (I even stood up for B when other people put out down even when I distanced myself), he lost every good sentiment I had left for him.
Also, when I ranted on social media about what had really happened that he didn’t actually leave his GF for me; (He told everyone in that room that he left his GF to meet me and the other party.. which was another of his half truths) when I did that, some other person told me B wanted to bring me to Justice, whatever that means.
Justice isn’t decided based on personal opinions. It is what IS right, regardless of how you feel. And no matter what I didn’t even name my church or him. Only that I had cried in the meeting and proceeded to explain why. I was just defending myself because I was too shaken in the meeting to do so. And he wanted to bring me to Justice for that. I’m even willing to bet my favorite cap that he asked one of the B siders (my so-called friends) to screenshot and save my post so he could use it as evidence when he brought me to his Justice.
All this silly human walls of self-righteousness happening in church. Why do we have to be this way?? Fighting fire with fire. Don’t tell me I have to leave church too. Let me ask you now while I’m riled up Mr Ex, since you’re probably reading this- do you really believe everything B says about his experiences with me, with D, with J, with C; no filter? That we attacked him? If you are, be wiser. You weren’t there. You cannot just take it as it is, because it’s not fact to you. It’s merely hearsay. B presenting it with how he saw it. Everything he has told you about us G people, if you were not there, you have no right to draw a conclusion.
You have no right, in fact none of the B people have any right to call us names – childish, immature, insubordinate, etc just because B sees it that way. B says he doesn’t feel, but boy, he takes slight way too easily. At least I know I feel. He doesn’t. And he inadvertently attacks people PERSONALLY because he feels threatened.
Basically dear readers, way too much drama happening in CHURCH.
But God is good, so so good.
ANYWAY I really did not want to forgive him with all the stories he’s been making up and the thing that happened in the meeting.
But God reigned sovereign. God was the one who gave me strength, who gave me peace, who gave me comfort, who was my rock and my stillness in this stormy time.
So, I forgive you.
Part of a song comes to mind after this mental cleansing ^
Did you think we’d be fine?
Still got scars in my back from your knives
So don’t think it’s in the past
These kind of wounds they last and they last (meaning I will not trust B again, but I do forgive him)
Now, did you think it all through?
All these things will catch up to you
And time can heal, but this won’t (again about the trust)
So if you come in my way
I’d like to end with