The Pied Piper calls

A page from her book:
I think, as much as I’m not ready to go on without you, and I know I will miss you a ton; but not as much as I miss Jesus now, I will have to decide soon. He calls me, the calls never end and I don’t want them to; I cannot unhear His call, I yearn to be holy to pursue Him and as Paul says in Phil 3:14 “straining forward, upward” (paraphrased)

In the past, our lives had always been parallel…our paths not crossing and sadly, after this brief meeting point, I don’t know if we will cross paths in this way again. Maybe? I really have no idea.

I learnt that when you leave someone it’s because you don’t love them or you decided to stop loving them. And I know the reason why Jesus still loves me/us is because He has promised to “never leave us, nor forsake us”. I’m brave enough to say that I want to love God more than love you. And because deciding to stop loving means I will leave.. let me tell you firmly: I cannot leave God, He calls me day and night. I know that I will die spiritually without Him, and my soul will cry bloody tears if that happens. Literally bloody tears.

And I’ve decided deep down to stop loving you. Because I only want to love the light and do things in the light, I cannot hide in the darkness when He has changed my life. He has changed it bottom to top, top to bottom. I desire Him so much it makes me sad when I compromise my decisions because of my love for you – to do the things which bind us to sin. I no longer have the yearn to live that life and I am ever grateful to Him who has saved me from that meaningless existence.

I don’t deny that you care deeply for me, and me likewise for you, but I care so much more for God and I want to please Him and get lost in Him.

If you ever want for US to be again, you’ll have to put God first in everything you have, you do, you say, you think, you Are– to get lost in Him too; and that’s where you’ll find me too. (Cheesy line)

I’m sorry but as much as I know that this will hurt you, it will hurt us more if I leave us be even longer.

I don’t claim to know every part of your life but I know that for the parts I’ve seen.. I know, that it’s dark there, and although you know about God; you do not know Him. It makes me afraid, afraid you will never know Him and that you will not be seeking to please Him with both your small and big decisions.

I cannot be part of that darkness anymore.

You see, when I was in that dark room, that place only Felt like it was my freedom when in actual fact I was always in chains.
That place was a place I grew up in and there were many hidden holes; and within some, I still hear the screams and tears of dark memories.
It is absent of my yearn of Him, intentionally I kept myself in that darkness.

I don’t want that anymore, a child of the light cannot. We just cannot, I know my brothers and sisters will agree with me that when we have stepped into the light and made a commitment to continue down this path, we cannot turn back; not because we are robots without a will, but, rather we have chosen His will as our own.

So that’s that.

Photo credit : webneel

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In God alone

..is everything.

My future, my present, my very being. Decisions I have made and just, everything.

There are some Christians who split their lives – only certain parts belong to God, and the rest, well, belongs to ‘me’ they say. How can that be – when God is your creator and your saviour. He is the master of your life. You are the submissive.

I went to a missions conference and a married couple there were talking about tentmaking. And the wife, towards the end, talked about her struggle in trusting in God; if her children would be okay to leave their home with them and to move to China where they would start their missions.

And she shared that God called her later than her husband and she was struggling with this very real concern. And she said, “I was washing the dishes one day, (to which most of us who were there,laughed) when God spoke to me.” He said, “I know you have children. [She paused] And they are mine.”

I think what God said to her, what she shared was very powerful and very in-your-face, with the fact that waittaminute.. yes, all our future children’s lives are his and OUR lives now are His. Her husband then asked after her sharing, “so whyyyy, why , why, why are we waiting?” He was talking about doing missions and submitting to God (to go forth and do missions) when he asked us this.

Coming back to this.. I’m here talking about surrending control of your life to God. I think the moment He has control is when we leap off the plane. Ironically true.

Also, I think to Christians whom God has not spoken to before, they may brush it aside and say, “well, that’s you then, I’m different, I know that God knows that I can take charge of certain parts of my life. I do let Him have most of it anyway.” I believe that that statement is a contradiction in itself. We need to go back to the Bible, what does it say about our lives in relation to God? What does it say we need to do in order to obey God? What does it say about our flesh, our human nature. If we do not surrender it all, what does Jesus mean when he says, take up your cross? Is it only part of the cross..like the tail end? Or the whole gigantic cross?

Submission is not a weakness. Submission to God is not you being less decisive or you being less sure about the paths you need to take.
Submission is not you not doing anything.
Submission is not you blindly following.
Submission is knowing full well, understanding and DECIDING, yes submission is active not passive, submission says there are other ways but I choose yours God, submission is love putting Him first and putting yourself second, submission is constantly giving up your right to live the way you want. Again, it is active. (Just felt the need to emphasise the ‘active’)

Anyways, I struggle to submit. On a daily basis. I struggle because I want so much to do things I think is the best way. I, I, I , me, me, me.

Dear Lord, help me to take up my cross and follow you. Your ways and your all. You. I want all of you, I need all of you. Amen.

On a side note, it’s not abnormal to feel afraid if you’re also praying this prayer. Fear of the unknown right? It is just fear though, nothing solid so don’t let it hold you back.