Having had experience in about a month’s worth of SP, I’ve had a wide range of experiences:
Feeling of floating out of body, don’t remember if i really did :3
Strangers touching me
Strangers talking about whether they should kill me
Absolutely monstrous voices demanding i renounce JESUS as Lord and Saviour
Same voices which start out as lovely and kind but turn scary when i refuse to renounce
I’ve had a lot of experiences..the last two are prolly reasons why people tend to relate this to a spiritual related attack of some kind. But yeah, they can be explained by science too.
Ultimately, the way I escaped this nightmare was praying and calling on GOD when those voices demanded me to renounce Jesus. And those times, my body somehow managed to jump out of REM and i could move my finger and head which broke the REM hold on my body; somehow. According to science, it’s rarely possible. Because following science and logic, the body has different stages of sleep which should go according to sequence. To jump backwards is unnatural, to say the least.
Anyhow, thank you God 🙂
It was bad, I can’t quite explain how bad. I was beyond scared, I was terrified to sleep, to not be able to move and sometimes feel something pressing on my whole body.
It all started with me staying up late to do something, I cannot even remember what it was–prolly watching korean drama and catching up on some episode.Something useless and pointless, but yeah.
I started to sleep late, wake up late and the cycle started. And then, that first night. The first time it happened, like all nights thereafter..I was fully alert, my mind was still conscious but my body had gone into REM sleep; meaning no motor functions, I could not move my legs my nose! nay, not even a finger twitched. I remember desperately wanting to move even a single muscle. I COULD NOT. It scared me so bad, I thought I had a stroke and was paralysed-It was bad.
I started to feel suffocation while panic was rising in my chest and my mind raced, ‘Why can’t i move?? what’s happening??!!!!!
And then i blacked out. I learnt later it was just my mind falling asleep too, finally. It felt like my mind was active for an eternity, but it was probably only 5 minutes at the most.
The scariest thing about being in that state is, for myself at least, being able to hear everything so so clearly, the fan, the cats in the neighbour’s yard, the cars driving along the road behind our house. It was so clear and yet, I could not move. My body had fallen asleep, and straight into REM at that.
Imagine while you’re in that state and a burglar comes in, and discusses with his fellow how to dispose of you and your family members. That was one of the horrible scenarios running in my mind those times and with enough experience of SP, you KNOW that the next state for your mind is REM, you cannot even jump back into consciousness to scare the burglars. You are lying there like a sitting duck, unable to do anything but knowing what is going to happen to you and everyone you love. A bit dramatic, but i am miss worst case scenario 😉
I’ve tried crying myself out of that state. It does not work. All i get is: I wake up in the morning feeling like i cried in a dream. Except it wasn’t in a dream, not really, more like an awake dream ;(
I hallucinated for a month
Everyday for a month
It didn’t start out often, at least, not as a daily thing
But because of certain habits i adopted
This waking nightmare fell upon me
night turned to day, and well, vice versa
Too afraid to sleep
Knowing i’d experience those things again
Of the thick fog
Of the shadows that would weigh down on me
Of the voices near me, in my head, beside it
Of the touches-stroking my hair
Of what they would do, they could do
It still rings clearly in my head as though it were but last night
I shudder to think of those nights and early mornings
As i type this, i’m maintaining a monotonous-as-if-i-could-care mood
But i know, if i write it with too much emotion, it’d get to me
And so close to bedtime
it’d be bad…
I may sound cold and unfeeling but as coping mechanisms go, I’d rather do it this way than deal with unnecessary consequences, if any.
She asks me questions.. about him
Every few weeks
It becomes more frequent when she sees him
Or when she sees other eligible guys
She hints at it
It sucks to know she disapproves
She means so much
I believe in it
If you lack in one aspect to her, you just gotta be better in other things
If she thinks you're not serious, show her
If she says its not viable, we gotta do better!!
A situation can always be changed, an opinion too
Even without mum as a catalyst,
keep going, try harder. we need to.
The moment we get comfortable, is the moment we stop becoming better, stop trying harder.
(in all aspects)