Waiting (a bit) too long, and its consequences.


January. We dated. I dated around due to parental issues. You didn’t; you didn’t want to. But we talked about it, and you let me go out with other men.








June. I started to have a crush on my friend. I didn’t know it, but you saw and knew how i felt regardless. You said, ‘we’ll see how it progresses.’ I didn’t know what you meant. 






September. My parents relented. We started dating exclusively.


October. We don’t go out much.  i’d like to though.   We’re both busy. You in your final semester of second year, me with my internship. (Yes, my dear readers, my special person is younger.)

Through it all though, and this is the part I get my thoughts out aka thinking of myself first.. I think waiting too long before dating exclusively has unintended consequences, of which one of it is us being accommodating of each other’s busyness. Too accommodating. Maybe its because we want to be depicted as patient people. But, we’re human, and i can be sure, we’re not patient people all the time. I know I’m not, sometimes i get impatient with you, but i suppress it. And for what? To remain nice.. sigh, its not a big thing. But its there. 

Also, I want some passion (maybe passion isn’t the right word..)  like the, ‘i won’t take your busyness as a reason to keep putting off our dates. Even 15 minutes of seeing each other is fine.’

Or even some romance. I really love romance. And its soo soo underrated. Also, its silly and i swear I’m not materialistic, but i like that you paid for that octopus. It showed me that you liking me wasn’t just words but you’re willing to spend money on me- even though we’re both students. Its silly, but it touched me.

I want someone to reassure me that its okay to want these things, to ask for these things, but i don’t want to burden him when he’s not earning. 

We can do some other things which doesn’t require dollars haha, just time. Nature related or cooking together or serving together or studying together. I’m happy with time too, for now. When he earns, he would know how to do those things..right? x) 

Also, idk if we are together or not. He said he wants to do the proper thing and take me out and ask me out officially and i stupidly said ‘its okay, you don’t need to cause we’re still studying’ (did i just emasculate him :o). But regardless, like R said, might as well call a spade, a spade. Wise guy. 🙂

p/s waiting too long was a fault on my side tho, cause i was the one who was not ready to take the plunge. so unwilling to deviate from my parents’ wishes.


Getting political

Two words. Work Politics.

Ugh. Why why why. I am seriously not made to be a part of this kind of situations.

It is beyond frustrating. It is XXX. It’s as bad as being stuck in a love triangle, or worst.

I dislike the social ladders people climb, how they become someone else to get higher. So can you imagine how much more I dislike the corporate ladder. It’s not just people involved, but money.

Money is one of the most dirtiest words; to me, at least. It’s even dirtier than the word politician.

I wonder if I will ever be backstabbed by people wanting to climb up this ladder. I suppose in order to go higher, you need to pull the people up there Down; not that I’m up there yet.

But just the thought of things like these scare me. I mean, yes, people will do what they want to do. I have no control.

But why? 😦 humans always save themselves first. Ugh. . Selfish bunch of losers we are. Yes, we. I’m selfish sometimes too.