Beyond the present – the beginning of the end

UH OH..that title doesn’t look too good does it? Yeahh, that’s because it is not good..

 The beginning..of my problems? nahh, problems isn’t the right word..more like, hmm, the start of reality sinking in. The reality that this guy I call my boyfriend does not really match me as a person, different hobbies, interests, friends and LANGUAGE even, i began to ask myself, ‘What was i thinking??’ Was i even thinking when i got together with him? Perhaps my brain was in my ass these past months; it would explain the lightheaded-ness i felt whenever i was around him. 

Chapter 7, Last Chapter: 

We did breakup, faster than i expected myself to. All kinds of thoughts ran through my mind, i was sad sure, but i could see logic too. There really was no point spending / wasting any more time together when i  had decided that this relationship was Not working out. (Sounds cold-hearted..but it’s the truth)

When i was breaking up with him; he did say he felt that he really needed to work at the relationship because of our language barrier, which i have to agree with.  I did enjoy being in a relationship, while it lasted. He wasn’t my first kiss although he was my first boyfriend 😛 and i am really glad he was not my first kiss, cause well, honestly i feel like he sucked as a boyfriend. T. Swift has a song titled ‘You’re not sorry’ and in it she talks about, ‘..And you got your share of secrets and I’m tired of being last to know..’ I know he had secrets cause he said so himself on not opening up to me and though this did hurt me initially, i just left it at that cause i figured it was his prerogative, as long as i was honest it didn’t matter much to me. (okay, yes, a relationship is about trust and honesty, so i guess i was being a bit naive?) He had a lot of shortcomings, but then again who doesn’t? (no, i don’t like him anymore.) But for me, i know i didn’t like him enough to fully accept those shortcomings and also go against my parents wishes. (this is my blog so, yes, i am going to be painfully, selfishly(?) honest)

I learnt so many things about relationships this past year and more particularly, meaningful relationships with both guys and girls. I cherish the people around me more: forgive faster, apologise sooner, understand people more, being more open minded, loving myself more, putting myself first more rather than having to do something i did not want to do, learning to say no, believing in my own views, questioning other’s views, etc.

He said something i disagreed with though, he said, ‘I felt like i had to work (not labor but more due to conflicting views/ opinions) to have a relationship.’

Honestly, I feel that every relationship requires effort and constant commitment,  a relationship is not one where one agrees to be together and expect that there is no need to ‘work at it’ after that. No matter how good friends you were before you got together, no matter how much you already understand one another, no matter how many times you see each other in a day, week or month; people will still have to work at their relationships. Like the image below, i hope you, my ex will find a reason to not walk away from a girl one day. And for myself, that I will be wiser in choosing friends and a person to be with, till marriage one day.

Hard decisions