Beyond the present – learning how to..

So, let me just put it out there that I have not ever been in a relationship before. No sireee, never! It’s not that no one asked me and it’s also not because my parents are crazy asians who will arrange our marriage for us i.e. my sisters and I (that shiz still exists??! ..YES); they will, eventually, for me. Anyway, I’m getting side-tracked here, my point is that: since I have never been in a relationship, I Really do not know how to flirt with a guy; nada, nothing. Come to think of it, all I know is how to make friends, and while most of friends are guys, I have only seen them as ‘bros’. 

With this lack of knowledge..I went to Google to look for my answers. I found some pretty helpful tips from MATTHEW HUSSEY (okay, his British accent is hella sexy and that was part of the reason I watched his videos) I remember a site online which told me how to touch a guy to make him realize ‘Oh, this girl is real.’ Not that they don’t know we’re real, its just that ALL girls will attract a guy; so a girl is no different from the next one that comes along, in a way. (I have a feeling I’m not explaining it quite right, anywhos..) I guess instead of the word ‘real’ they could have used ‘exists’, which makes more sense.


Chapter 2

ARMED WITH SOME knowledge on how to make the opposite sex realize I exist, I went for class. (I felt really excited to try out these new ‘practices’ like a kid who was learning how to ride their tricycle..) But excitement doesn’t warrant that you won’t fall down from that tricycle or that you will even successfully ride it at all. I’d like to say I went right ahead and gently touched the guy on his arm to: emphasize a point or when he told a joke which I found funny, made eye-contact all the time, bit my lip when he looked at me, invaded his private space just a little bit when crossing the road, etc.

Funnily enough, I think the only thing I did successfully was smile all the time around him. (which didn’t require any physical contact i.e. right in my comfort zone)

I agonizingly thought to myself why is this so hard? why do i have to do touch him? can’t i just say ‘hello, i exist?!’ ?…gosh, it makes me squirm and this kind of stuff is SO out of my comfort zone’ I wondered how other girls could casually hold a guy’s arm or put their own arm around a man’s waist without much of a reaction. But, I realized it’s not because its something negative therefore making me squirm, but, rather the fact that I was awkward for not having ever done things like these before, which made it hard, negative even.

And that’s how we humans are sometimes, when we feel like it’s not something we feel ‘comfortable’ doing, it’s not meant to be/it’s not correct. We misjudge based on emotions rather than logic and thought and thoroughly thinking it over.

So, for the next few weeks I accustomed myself to doing these things, with every guy I knew but him, but all my guy friends, everything above as well as expressing the ‘Thanks! I really had fun today/night. We should do this again some time.’ It’s amazing what this little sentence does to a guy’s ego. It’s funny, I thought that all this time just saying thanks and smiling sufficed, but apparently expressing it works better; for the men at least. I did all these over and over again with other guys until it became second nature to me and only then I started practicing it on him. So natural that it seemed like nothing.

Upon doing these little skinship moments, I somehow borrowed someone’s guts (”Borrow” ’cause, till now; I still have no idea where and how I could do that) and touched his tummy after class one night, teasing him about it.

Him

Me

I touched his tummy lightly and felt him flex under my touch.

I thought you go to the gym…but, what’s that? 😛

He smiles self-consciously.

I’m bulking

Bulking?

Gaining weight to cut later on.

Wow, so much work. So do you have to eat a lot?

Ya, I eat a lot.

Okay, I see.

I notice his replies are quite short and not wanting to sound like I’m a crazy eager girl wanting to know everything about him, I wait until he asks a question, which he doesn’t. I am kind of disappointed, but I don’t really mind.

I mean, he’s the kind of guy girls just get attracted to, he somehow just catches people’s gaze, I think it has to do with his swag, ’cause he walks rather confidently  and some may even say arrogantly. But he doesn’t flirt with the girls in class, he mostly just jokes around with his mates. Even though I was initially miffed at his no-further-questions that night, I sigh and just tell myself to wait and be patient and if he does not like me, there are so many other guys out there anyhows. 


..It was raining that day and I’d braided my hair, as a separate braid & tied it together with my ponytail. He reached out to touch it and complimented me that it was really pretty. It was weird, my feeling at that time was..I want to run away but I want to hug you too.

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